day old blues,

day old, day old, day old, day old, day old, day old, day old, day old blues.

(no subject)

I am full of sh*t. xD

No, really.

Every year, around this time, or September, I always say: oh, next year I'll study really hard, I will change my style, I will ...

And I never do.

Only this year I really did study hard, and passed most of my classes, including some hard ones! I got my drivers license in November, I got close to a guy that I kind of like (although I«m not sure if he likes my company, or that I help him pass classes).
I became involved in a project in college, with only my degree mates, to promote our degree and organize events related to it, and I'm loving it, even though I'm working really hard.
I'm starting to change, to become more responsible.

Maybe this year I won't be so full of sh*t xD


It is only in the late hours that I decide to vent.

I never thought of myself as pretty. I was (and still am) overweight, and I was made fun of for years. Maybe that's the reason why I don't have the courage to approach guys. I just don't think they can be interested in me.
And guess what: they aren't. They seem to run away from me as fast as they can, and I just can't figure out why. I am not the type of person that goes around hugging everyone, and telling then I love them. Maybe because people made fun of me, and I became a closed person.

The thing is: it hurts when everyone is up in pairs, finding people that loves them, and I'm on the outside looking in. I mean, seriously, I'm nearly 21 years old, and it's starting to be annoying.

I just wonder, how long will it take to find me a guy that accept's my weird self, that loves me for who I am?

Because it would be pretty nice if it was sonner rather than later.

When will it be my turn to hold hands, and hug, and kiss, and have a relationship?

I'm sorry for the rant.

(no subject)

So I've been away.

A lot of stuff happened this past semester. I studied harder than ever, spent about 12 hours per day in college, spent my time between classes, studiyng, working on a new project for my college, and tutoring some friends.

But it wasn't bad, you know. I past my classes with a very good average, passed my most dificult classes. My project is going great, not only has it been approved, it also has led me to meeting new people in my college.

Also... one of the people I'be veen tutoring is a boy, and... well, you know the drill.

I guess I'l been coming back.

(no subject)

What I've come to realise is that I'm a f'n idiot. No, really.

I always like to maintain a good relationship with people around me, you know, I hate when there's a lot of tension between people. I always try to be nice, and help people, when I can. That's why I always try to have my college notes in order, and why I don't mind if people ask me if they can copy them, or why I don't mind tutoring people if they need help before tests, os anything. And yet, everytime I need something, no one has anything (but turns out they do).

When it comes to papers os stuff, I always get all the work.

And in other parts of life. Everytime I get screwed over. Every - freaking - time.

And I'm getting really tired of it.

(no subject)

I am sorry that I have not been around here as much as I probably should.

I have changed the way I see a lot of things since I went to Scotland, last year. It's that trip's aniversary next week. What I want to say is that said trip made me realize many, many things. About me, about other people. One thing I did realize, eventually, and trust me when I say it took me a lot of time for it to sink in, is that I need to take care of myself. Therefore, I will, finally, be joining a gim. Next week, hopefully. I need to change my life.

Anyway, college is okay, I still have one last exam wednesday, and then I'll be done with them, and I'll rest a bit, before getting ready for the next semester. Hopefully, everything will be fine :)


So, yeah, I turn 20 today...

How did that happen? xD

Getting old... x'D


So, I haven't been here in a while. I went to Scotland, on a trip with some college friends. We were working on a project. There were people from the Scottish college, and from Finland, Cyprus and Czech Republic. It was absolutely amazing.

We went out every night, hung out with all of them. I became really good friends with all of the scottish people, all of the Finnish and most os the people from Cyprus. The girls from Czech Republic were cool, but we didn't hang that much together.

Three days before we came back, I cried myself to sleep, and did that for the rest of the days, because I wanted to stay there. I never felt so at home anywhere before. I felt like I belonged there, like I'd finally found my place. Since I came back, I can't really adapt to this. Also, while there, I had a few divergences with two of my portuguese colleagues. They ar in my class, and now they decided they will not talk to me, or look at me like I owe them something. I don't. I said "f" them. I've got other people I hang out with, and if not, I've got an mp3, serves me just as well. I have a new friend. A guy form my college that went with me to Scotland. He's cool, we're just friends.

But, there's this other guy. He's in the first year of my degree, I'm in the second year, but I take some first year classes I failed, so I see him everyday. He always talks to me, and it's like... he touches my arms, really friendly and stuff. I don't know, I think he's cute. He probably only think's we're friends.

Anyway, I'll try to be here more often :)


I'm sorry I've been gone for a while. I had been feeling like crap for a while and I needed a little time for myself.

So, I guess I'm back.

And for this year, I've decided to change a few things, like not letting people step on me. Right now I won't get into detail, but I'll explain later.



Funny thing, how I can always help someone out, but I can't help myself.

Oh boy, here we go again.


Now, here's the thing:

I've spent these last two something years drooling over a guy that doesn't even give me an eyewink. I even wondered if maybe he could change his mind, but he was cold sometimes towards me, and I really dislike people like that. Just because you don't like someone, you don't have to be an sob. And actually, we had nothing in common! I like rock, he likes hip hop, I wear rocker and casual clothes, band wristbands and tshirt, he always wears baggy pants. He has black hair, brown eyes, and I've always liked blue eyes guys. So I spent two years holding on to nothing.
But the thing is: now there's this guy. He got transfered to my class this year. He likes the same type of music that I like. He dresses with band shirts and jeans, he has blue eyes and lighter hair, he is nice and funny, and I really like being around him. We can talk about anything, and we get each other.

 And the thing is: he is nearly ten years older than me.

Oh, crap.


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