alliemoonlight

What I've come to realise is that I'm a f'n idiot. No, really.

I always like to maintain a good relationship with people around me, you know, I hate when there's a lot of tension between people. I always try to be nice, and help people, when I can. That's why I always try to have my college notes in order, and why I don't mind if people ask me if they can copy them, or why I don't mind tutoring people if they need help before tests, os anything. And yet, everytime I need something, no one has anything (but turns out they do).

When it comes to papers os stuff, I always get all the work.

And in other parts of life. Everytime I get screwed over. Every - freaking - time.

And I'm getting really tired of it.

I am sorry that I have not been around here as much as I probably should.

I have changed the way I see a lot of things since I went to Scotland, last year. It's that trip's aniversary next week. What I want to say is that said trip made me realize many, many things. About me, about other people. One thing I did realize, eventually, and trust me when I say it took me a lot of time for it to sink in, is that I need to take care of myself. Therefore, I will, finally, be joining a gim. Next week, hopefully. I need to change my life.

Anyway, college is okay, I still have one last exam wednesday, and then I'll be done with them, and I'll rest a bit, before getting ready for the next semester. Hopefully, everything will be fine :)

So, yeah, I turn 20 today...

How did that happen? xD

Getting old... x'D

So, I haven't been here in a while. I went to Scotland, on a trip with some college friends. We were working on a project. There were people from the Scottish college, and from Finland, Cyprus and Czech Republic. It was absolutely amazing.

We went out every night, hung out with all of them. I became really good friends with all of the scottish people, all of the Finnish and most os the people from Cyprus. The girls from Czech Republic were cool, but we didn't hang that much together.

Three days before we came back, I cried myself to sleep, and did that for the rest of the days, because I wanted to stay there. I never felt so at home anywhere before. I felt like I belonged there, like I'd finally found my place. Since I came back, I can't really adapt to this. Also, while there, I had a few divergences with two of my portuguese colleagues. They ar in my class, and now they decided they will not talk to me, or look at me like I owe them something. I don't. I said "f" them. I've got other people I hang out with, and if not, I've got an mp3, serves me just as well. I have a new friend. A guy form my college that went with me to Scotland. He's cool, we're just friends.

But, there's this other guy. He's in the first year of my degree, I'm in the second year, but I take some first year classes I failed, so I see him everyday. He always talks to me, and it's like... he touches my arms, really friendly and stuff. I don't know, I think he's cute. He probably only think's we're friends.

Anyway, I'll try to be here more often :)

I'm sorry I've been gone for a while. I had been feeling like crap for a while and I needed a little time for myself.

So, I guess I'm back.

And for this year, I've decided to change a few things, like not letting people step on me. Right now I won't get into detail, but I'll explain later.

**

Now, here's the thing:

I've spent these last two something years drooling over a guy that doesn't even give me an eyewink. I even wondered if maybe he could change his mind, but he was cold sometimes towards me, and I really dislike people like that. Just because you don't like someone, you don't have to be an sob. And actually, we had nothing in common! I like rock, he likes hip hop, I wear rocker and casual clothes, band wristbands and tshirt, he always wears baggy pants. He has black hair, brown eyes, and I've always liked blue eyes guys. So I spent two years holding on to nothing.
But the thing is: now there's this guy. He got transfered to my class this year. He likes the same type of music that I like. He dresses with band shirts and jeans, he has blue eyes and lighter hair, he is nice and funny, and I really like being around him. We can talk about anything, and we get each other.

 And the thing is: he is nearly ten years older than me.

Oh, crap.

So, finally, my classes start monday. I'll only have classes in the afternoon this year, which sucks, but I have every wednesday free! All day, doing nothing! :D
 

So, I need to get reado to go back, and maybe check out some cute guys, this year ;P

So, here's the thing. I've been meaning to make changes. In September I'll be starting my second year of college, and I can't wait. I really need to study hard this year, and have a few classes from last year that I need to take again, so I'll have to study even harder to balance everything. Also, I'm almost 100% positive that I'll have classes in the afternoon next year, which I don't want to. I hate having classes in the afternoon, it doesn't leave you enough time to study in the morning :X

Also, I want to get some new clothes. I always like to buy new clothes in the beginning of every school year, so that's nothing new. I already know where, and when to buy, to get a lot for a small price. And I want to re-decorate my room. Keep it as clean as possible, and Re-decorate it in sober tones, like brown (I really like brown).

Also, it would be fun if something exciting happened in my life this year. I mean, I love my college friends, but it always seems that I'm a secundary character in someone else's story. I'd love to, for once, have a guy notice me, talk to me, make me feel special. You know?

Anyway, I'm spacing out.

:)

So, apart from a lot of things that really don't matter, I caught rain on tuesday, now I'm a little sick.

My colleges "friends" keep telling me I need a boyfriends. Really? No kidding! The point is: I don't want any guy, okay? I want someone that matches me. I don't like those types of relationship where people have nothing in common. And hey, I know who I want, okay? I want him, or someone like that. Not a guy to mess around with. Meanwhile, they keep telling me to make a move on a guy that has some classes with me. First: I'm not the type of girl that makes moves. I can't, I guess I'm too shy for it. Second: I can't make a move on a guy I don't like. Not like that. He's cool, and all, but nothing more.

Here's the thing for me: I like a guy. The more I talk to him and spend time with him, to get to know him, the less I like him. We become great friends, but my attraction for him just dissappears. Except for HIM. But he is out of my league.

Anyway, Next week is my last week of college. Then it's four exams and summer vacation! :D